1. Heraclitus
HE RA CLITE US weeped and
said wha's like us?
damn few and their ah died.
Could they nae step in the same river twice?
Nah, they were that fucking pissed
they couldnt even find it.
2. Archimedes
ARCHIE, ME and DES o’connor calculated that
you couldn’t analyse yer way oot a paper bag.
3. Plutarch
PLU! its TARK in here!
Dont you mean dark?
Aye, its like ROMANing in the gloomin!
4. Herodotus
HER ROAD AT US
with a mighty fury,
- the father and her had history.
5. Pythagoras
All the PIEs,
went to his THIGHs,
so he could not GO
on the run with the rest oh RUS.
6. Pythagorean
Give a PIE to THAG OR IAN
- or the 3 sides will no be even.
7. Democritus
DE MO CRI TUS,
laughed and said
“Nothing exists except atoms
and empty space”
...then bashed his hied
on a low bookcase.
That's democracy fer ye!
8. Diophantus
DIE OH FAN TIS
Unless i pass my algebra test
I will die, oh fan - thus!
9. Epicurus
He had a total EPPY, i dont know why, its CURIOUS.
Perhaps he despaired of death and thought there no god
Ach, there's nae need to be sae serious!
10. Anaxagoras
ANA RAX SA GO LIS,
was told to go out without a kiss
for telling the Athenians
the seed of everything,
was in his anorak.
Wit a trainspotter!
11. Euclid
Who YOU calling a CLID, ya bamstick?
12. Apollonius Pergaeus
A PO LONI US
put a cone on us,
then circled all aroond it.
He's a right tube!
13. Thales
THAY greek’s widdnae pay the LEASE,
they theorised that rent was theft,
hypothesised that it should be free,
- then they nicked the bleedin cutlery!
Never trust a philosopher...
they'll think ye oot oh house and hame.